Hello Everyone*

Weekend Funnies

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn’t budget.

*****

A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truck load of cow manure.

The boy asks him what he’s going to do with all that cow poop.

The man says, “I’m taking it home to put on my strawberries.”

The little boy looks up at the man and says, “I don’t know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.”

*****

A man was sitting at a bar one day when a pirate walked in. The pirate had a wooden leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye.

Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, “Come over here, my friend. You look as though you’ve had a tough life and I’d like to buy you a drink.”

The pirate gladly went over to the man who ordered him a rum.

Then the man asked the pirate, “I’m curious, how did you lose your leg?”

“Arrrgh!” said the pirate, “I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man’s rum.”

“Wow, that’s awful!” said the man. “And tell me, how did you lose your hand?”

“Arrrgh!” replied the pirate, “I lost that fighting cannibals on a treasure island.”

“Oh my word!” the man said, “How awful! And tell me, how did you lose your eye?”

The pirate said, “Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!”

“A seagull!” The man was surprised. He asked, “Is seagull poop dangerous?!”

The pirate said, “Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook.”

*****

People say love is the best feeling ever.

But I think finding a toilet when you’re having diarrhea is better.

*****

I went into a public toilet for a poop the other day. I’d just sat down when I heard a voice from the next cubicle say, “Hi, how are you?”

I was a little embarrassed but I replied, “I’m fine thanks.”

Then the voice asked, “So what are you up to?”

I replied, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here.”

Then the voice asked, “Can I come over?”

Annoyed, I said, “Actually, I’m a little busy right now.”

The voice then said, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door who keeps answering all my questions.”

You like my selfie???

I decided that this year I am going to take more pictures of myself with my amazing phone. The bad thing is, I will be sharing them with you all. lol I hope to make them funny and you actually smile! It will not hurt my feelings if you decide to laugh also. 🙂 So, if you have a selfie of you that you want to share, please do so. I would love to see it! Just have fun this year anyway you can. Why not?

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

My Dana Point Getaway

If you have a chance to get to Dana Point, CA…you will not be unhappy about your choice. The beaches are so inviting. The food is great. The people are so friendly. Everything is clean. There are many places to just sit and relax in private. If you feel like music, there are nice bars you can visit. I actually saw Charlie Sheen and spoke to him. Pretty cool, huh? Hope you are all well and happy. See you soon. Thanks for stopping in. This weekend I may head to my mountain house or Las Vegas. Tough choice. lol

Believe in Yourself;
Luisa Doraz

This fire hydrant was at The Ritz Carlton! lol

I will also be posting a LINK on

EVERIPEDIA

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JOKE OF THE DAY*

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it’s his daughter’s birthday and he hasn’t bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, “How much is that Barbie in the window?” In a condescending manner, she says, “Which Barbie?” She continues, “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.” Ralph asks, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?” “That’s obvious,” the saleslady says. “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”

GIRLS DON’T POOP….funny video!

This is such a funny video I was sent! I want to share it with you all! Have a GREAT weekend!

GOLFING FUN*

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows.”

“We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.”

“That’s when I made my big mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!”

“I don’t remember much after that”!

LAUGH! HAVE FUN IN LIFE! SMILE!

Weekend humor…be sure to smile……..

An elderly man moved into a nursing home. After he’d been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him to the back of the chair. His daughter came to visit him. “How do you like this place?” she asked him. “It’s not bad,” he replied, “except they won’t let me fart.”

****

A man goes up to heaven and says, “Hey, God. What’s a million years like for you?” And God says, “Oh, you know, like maybe a second.” So the man says, “Oh, wow. Well, then, how about this: What’s a million dollars worth to you?” And God says, “Oh, like, you know, about a penny.” So the man says, “Oh, wow. Well, in that case, can I have a million dollars?” And God says, “Sure, in a second.”

****

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, God! Help me!”

As the atheist spun helplessly through the air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me?”

“Give me a break!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster, either!”

Poker anyone?

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Sam looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”

They draw straws. Lester, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse than it is.

“Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name–leave it to me.”

Lester walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Lester says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.”

She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”

Lester replies, “I’ll tell him.”

Keep laughing all week long. It really helps get rid of the stress in your life. I am living proof. I have been laughing a bit more these days.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

BLONDE JOKE…for Lviss

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!” ‘.

A special thanks to Lviss, who always leaves me SUPER comments.

Have fun now. Smile.