BLONDE JOKE…for Lviss

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!” ‘.

A special thanks to Lviss, who always leaves me SUPER comments.

Have fun now. Smile.

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Goats making funny noises…….Come see……YOUTUBE

A friend showed me this video, and I loved it! I laughed a lot. Hope you all enjoy it. Thanks Chelsea!

 

The Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life……..Hilarious-)*:

1. The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”

2. The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”

3. The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”

4. The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”

5. The Interior Designer – who assures her “once it’s inside, you’ll LOVE it!”

6. The Banker – who insists to her “if you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest!”

Sleep tight Jokes for you tonight…………-)

Night Night…. Sleep Tight……..

Have lot’s of nice dreams……

Tomorrow will be a GREAT day!

Did you hear about the man who plugged his electric blanket into the toaster?
He kept popping out of bed all night!

Did you hear about the man who slept under an old tractor?
He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

Did you hear about the parents who called their baby ‘Caffeine?’
It kept them awake all night!

Do elephants snore?
Only when they’re asleep.

****
Trouble sleeping
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.

“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”

“I see,” he said. “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.”

“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”

Laugh….National symbol changed by government……a CONDOM????????

Funny….Smile…Time to Laugh….

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

Funny Joke Men vs Women…..

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Ok all you guys out there, fess up….did you kick the cat? Mean!

The dressing up part to pretty true. Us girls have got to stay looking good, right? I have to admit that some guys don’t do too badly!

Smile…Laugh…..Be Happy!

Men vs Women…Children!

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

Well, at on time this may have been more true than in today’s times. I believe I need to give credit where credit is due. A lot of men take their responsibilities very seriously when it comes to their children. I see them get very involved in their everyday stuff. Sometimes more so then the mother’s! I am also sure that there are families who have mom’s that can agree 100% with the above statement, right? Some dad’s are in la la land! Oh well, such is life! You gotta laugh. I believe most people mean well, they just have a weird way of showing it!

#*#*#*#*Ooops!

Mildred was very depressed when her husband died. She decided that she couldn’t go on in life without him and that she wanted to join him in heaven. Mildred wanted to shoot herself in the heart, guaranteeing death.

But she was afraid she might miss her heart and wind up a vegetable so she called the doctor for some information. “Doctor, where is the heart located?” asked Mildred.

The doctor answered, “Just below the left breast.”

A few hours later Mildred was emitted into emergancy with a gunshot wound to her knee!

“Powerful Women’s Motto:”…..a joke

A friend shared with me today this motto I thought I would pass along to you all.

Powerful Women’s Motto:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says…
“Oh #*#*….she’s awake!!”

You know what #*#* means! !! I have kids that visit this site..so I had to be considerate.