GOLFING FUN*

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows.”

“We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.”

“That’s when I made my big mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!”

“I don’t remember much after that”!

LAUGH! HAVE FUN IN LIFE! SMILE!

SEASONED CITIZENS…LAUGH with DORAZ*


*
*
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT VICTORIA SECRET STORES AND THEIR SELECTIONS? DO YOU SHOP THERE?*
*
*

Foot Note:

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
‘If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.’

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

Just dropping in to say…..

Hope your day is going as planned and that your night is very peaceful and relaxing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Remember:
A Smile is the
first step
to Peace.

~~~~~~~~~~

Always give 100% at work:
12% �Monday
23% �Tuesday
40% �Wednesday
20% �Thursday
��5% �Friday

~~~~~~~~~~

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.
Albert Einstein

~~~~~~~~~~
I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much

Mother Theresa

PLANET EARTH QUESTION*

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IF A FRIENDLY ALIEN LANDED ON OUR PLANET AND ASKED YOU…”WHAT IS SO SPECIAL ABOUT PLANET EARTH?”…WHAT ARE 3 THINGS YOU WOULD SAY?

SKIPPING CHURCH…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he
just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he couldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew
from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in
church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going
to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell
into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
“Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

TECHNOLOGY…LAUGH with DORAZ*

This will explain why “Old-timers” have so much trouble with computers.

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Thanks KRISTI KEYPERS

A FUNNY JOKE for you tonight!……….1/4

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A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
To which he replied. ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye!

JOKE OF THE DAY…..12/22-)*

*I ain’t touchin’ it*
An armless man in a long jacket walks into a bathroom and stands by a urinal…

Soon seeing he needs help to use the toilet he asks a closeby man, ” Can you help me point my penis” ?

The man reluctantly accepted but, decided not to look at the mans penis. After a few seconds of holding it he thinks, ” Hey! I’m grabbing it right”? ” So I should look, I have a right”!

He looks down at the mans member and sees that is beyond hidious. Startled he jumps back and lets go, asking. ” What the hell is wrong with it ?”

The “armless” man pulls his arms out of his jacket and says “I dunno, but, I ain’t touchin’ it.” and walks away.

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Jokes for the Weekend…12/19….Night ..Night ..Now!

Marriage Retreat
At the marriage retreat, Amy and John were told to individually write a sentence using the words sex and love.

Amy wrote: “When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another and respect each other very much, just like John and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of sex with one another.”

And John wrote: “I love sex.”

Want some more??????…..here goes

Saggy tits
Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?

A. If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!

Mpre????………OK

Relatives
Ernie asks Joe, “If I slept with your wife and had a child would that make us related?”

Joe says to Ernie, “No but it would make us even.”

Ha Ha to this one. More??????…OK

Upset
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device… A
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real
one.

She went completely ballistic. “You impotent
bastard,” she screamed at him, “How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!”

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
“I’ll explain the toy . . You explain the 3 kids.”

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BYE………..

JOKES ………..-)*

* T he 3 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

* A man went to his psychiatrist and said…

“What’s wrong with me? I’m afraid of Santa.”

The psychiatrist said…

“You must be Claustrofobic.”

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Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A “Holly” Davidson!