BLONDE JOKE…for Lviss

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!” ‘.

A special thanks to Lviss, who always leaves me SUPER comments.

Have fun now. Smile.

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OH DAD!!!!!!….a joke

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby–so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!” Well, Bobby’s eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

Are you smiling?

GREAT!

Have fun in life!

Laugh vith Doraz….A Womans Story*

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?….What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer..

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered….is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him… The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day….or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch ? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT…..make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now….what is the moral to this story?

*****

The moral is….
If you don’t let a woman have her own way….
Things are going to get ugly

NO WORDS NEEDED*…PHOTO

“I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE DOESN’T SEE THAT!”

Here’s a JOKE you haven’t heard!

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer

sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous

as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and

three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing

exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving

slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly…

Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer,

trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22″ was the route number, not the speed

limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her

error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women

seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer

asks.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

Funny….Smile…Time to Laugh….

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”