GIRLS DON’T POOP….funny video!

This is such a funny video I was sent! I want to share it with you all! Have a GREAT weekend!

Just for Fun*

I thought this was funny. Just wanted to share. Hope all is well.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

GOLFING FUN*

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally,the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows.”

“We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.”

“That’s when I made my big mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!”

“I don’t remember much after that”!

LAUGH! HAVE FUN IN LIFE! SMILE!

You Don’t Have to be SO Nasty!

Geez, you don’t have to be so nasty, do you?

I mean, life is a *itch at times, but do you have to buy into that way of thinking?

Can’t you just look the other way?

Can’t you just take it for what its worth….just an opinion.

Can’t you see life passing you by and you’re just dead one day?

Is it really worth all the aggravation?

Is it really worth all the headaches and chest pains?

NO! STOP IT!

Live.

Have fun.

Take it slow.

Take it calmly.

Work it out.

Reach a peace within you. Accept it for what it is. No more fighting. YOU can’t change it. You can only handle it.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!
1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

I’m retired. Go around me.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m hereafter

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

20. DID I SEND THESE TO YOU BEFORE……….??????

Have a fun week! Be sure to laugh and smile often.

Luisa Doraz

People are Strange…..The Doors

Have a great week! Be sure to vote. Be sure to smile. Be sure to have fun. Be sure to be thankful for each day you have!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Birthday Fun……

Yes, that is me. My friends Fran and Jennifer surprised me with this outfit. Too cool. I kept it on at the restaurant and had no problem showing it off to the others. lol I had such a great time.We spent the whole time laughing and sharing stories. We had such delicious meals. Afterwards, we went shopping! Yes, we bought shoes! lol I just love my friends. I love the greatest gift of all…the gift of time. So precious. So wonderful. Hope you all have a great time this weekend. My hubby and I are going on a quick trip. Stay well and happy.

More laughs for you……

 Sticks & stones may break my bones, BUT chains & whips excite me!

 Autocorrect can kiss my ask..!!

 My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

 The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.

 If you blink your eyes really fast, it looks like there are strobe lights in the room. I have been having random parties throughout the day!

 I love in horror movies how the person yells out “hello?!” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah I’m n the kitchen, want a sandwich?”

. When butterflies are in love, do they feel human’s in their stomach?

Still laughing?

Have a great weekend.

I am heading for the mountains.

See you soon.

Fly me away …….

I do not want to do that anymore
I need a break for a bit
Can you please just get out of my way
so I can fly on my magic carpet?

Where would I go you ask?
What would I do?
Whatever I want to do, I say
and wherever I want to go!

No, do not say it is not possible
Do not start with that negative tone
I think I will get going now
Just, please just leave me alone!

Off I go
My first stop Africa
My next will start with a B!

I shall be gone for awhile

as you can see!
Do not miss me, OK?
I will think of you with a smile
I will think of you everyday

Bye

for Charlie……..

Importance of Communication Clarity …….JOKE

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well,.. Vicki is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Vicki surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Vicki.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, ‘but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you  yesterday…’

‘Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Passed on to me by my friend Pam S.

Thanks for the laughs Pam.