Ouch, that hurt!……….this joke sizzles…..

A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.

“If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.”

“Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener.”

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
— Socrates
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
— Mark Twain

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury
— Groucho Marx