CAN YOU SEE THE DOG?

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CAN YOU SEE THE KISSING COUPLE?

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Today’s Debate…………..2/5*

Do you agree or disagree with the following quote from Lincoln? Explain, please…

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“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
-Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

Body Statistics……really funny stuff…….come see….-)*

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are probably still busy measuring their thumbs.

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….True or False?………….guess……

Guess which answers are true?
(Answers are below)

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.< /I>

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it’s from being indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!

6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.

7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ and ‘Tootsie.’

20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.

21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren’t added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.

AND THE ANSWERS ARE……………………..

They are all TRUE … Now go back and think about #16!!!

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Thanks to Pam W. for this one!

.Welcome to EXCUSE CITY,USA……..New Residents Welcomed……

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Do you have a problem motivating yourself? Are you good.at motivating others?I have recently run into a lot of people in my life who are struggling with motivation issues. They seem to complain of not having enough time in their day to do what they have to do. When they see all that is piling up, they just can not seem to move ahead and work it out. They claim they are “not motivated.” They look for someone or something to miraculously motivate them. They spend hours searching and searching. Well, my opinion is that they can stop looking around and start looking at themselves. The answer is within all of us. To get motivated, we need to educate ourselves. During the education process, we find answers to questions we did not even know we were seeking. By educate, I mean this. Let’s say you need to figure out “how” to do something efficiently. Well, first figure out the “how” and then move from there. A simple example is, “How do I plan Thanksgiving dinner without it being a disaster?” Well, first off..be realistic, something is always bond to go a little wrong. That is part of the fun of the holidays. First, ask yourself what exactly you mean by “a disaster.” Is it that no one will have fun? Is it that no one will like your food selection? What exactly do you mean? That is the first step. Clear those up and you will be motivated to continue. You can simply put together a menu plan and then share it with your invited guests, and get their reaction. If they say it looks great, stop worrying. As far as being bored goes. What are the ages of your guests? Any lids? Have some age appropriate board games to amuse them. Adults can also play board games or a fun game of charades. Motivate yourself to be creative and educated. You are the only one who can motivate yourself. Others can offer support, but it is all on you. Be thankful this holiday season that you are blessed with many talents. Use them. You’ll be great!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
See you soon!
Believe in Yourself;
Luisa Doraz
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BACK TO SCHOOL JOKES*

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THE PROFESSOR SAYS…
When professors say this . . .They really mean this!

* This needs some minor revision. – I never actually got around to reading this.

* My office hours are by appointment only. – I like to get out of here early.

* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. – I’ll be fudging your grades.

* This won’t be on the test. – Nap time!

* Bring the text to class. – I don’t have a clue how to lecture–we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.

* He’s not fully up to speed on that. – He’s got his head up his #*#.

* I don’t have the latest department guidelines. – I’ve got my head up my *#*.

* Let’s check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed. – I’ve got my head up HIS #*#.

* Talk to the department secretary. – Piss off.

* Talk to me in my office after class. – Get out of my face.

* The tests will all be multiple-choice. – I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.

* Don’t come in late during my lecture. – I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

* Save your questions until the end. – See above.

* The final will be comprehensive. – I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. – This course is outside my specialty–I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.

* There are two TAs available to help you. – I can’t be bothered.

* This year I’ll be scaling the grades. – I just passed tenure review.

* Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. – I have a hangover.

* Let’s have class outdoors today! – I had beans for lunch.

* You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. – My contract wasn’t picked up.

* Please note the last day to withdraw. – The midterm’s gonna suck.

* The answer to number 4 is “b,” and just skip number 17. – I only got around to making up the test last night.

* The second list is optional reading. – I have a rich fantasy life.

* I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. – The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.

* Well, it was on the syllabus. – I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.

* We’ll just skip the term paper this semester. – There wasn’t enough in the budget for a TA.

* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam. – See above.

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. – I’m so boring that no one would show up otherwise.

* Read chapters 5 through 10. – I’m not coming in at all next week.

* We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly. – I screwed up the lecture schedule.

* Let’s go over the exam. – Half of you failed.

* It was in the textbook. – I pulled it out of my #*#.

* Extra credit is available. – I need some #*#* work done.

Hope you enjoyed these!!!!!

BACK TO SCHOOL JOKES*

……… MY FRIEND SENT ME THESE. HOPE YOU LIKE EM!….
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Back to School
Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.

Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!”

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Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?”

Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.”

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“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

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A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”

The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”

The little girl replied, “My homework.”

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Calling in Sick
A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.

Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

This is the actual conversation of the telephone call…

Kelly: “Hi, I’m calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.

Secretary at high school: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll note her absence. Who is this calling?”

Kelly: “This is my mother.”

BACK TO SCHOOL JOKES……

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A friend sent me these. I thought they were cute. Enjoy!!!
From the mouth of babes:

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
*MARIA:** Here it is.
* TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: ** Maria.
* ____________________________________

*TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication
on the floor?**
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________*

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
*GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it.
____________________________________________*

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
*DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________*

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn’t have
ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
*GLEN: **Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground
than you are.
**_______________________________________*

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with
‘I.’
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
*MILLIE: All right…. ‘I am the ninth letter
of the alphabet.’
*
*_________________________________*

*TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father’s **cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish
him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
* ______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?
*SIMON: **No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a
good cook.
* ______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is
exactly the same as your
brother’s. Did you copy his?
*CLYDE : **No, sir. It’s the same dog.**
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
talking when
people are no longer interested?
*HAROLD: A teacher**

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