IS SANTA FEMALE?……LAUGH with DORAZ*

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There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here’s why:

First,
Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store would never move
because Santa would feel the need to “bond” with every kid that sat on her lap. The elves
would never get any toys made because theyd be too busy telling her, “No Santa, those red
pants do not make you look fat.”

What woman would be caught dead in a chimney?
Gosh, she might break a nail in there. Also, men dont care if they would get covered with
ashes and soot while sliding down the chimney.

And what about Santas beard? Im
sure youll agree that most women look significantly better without facial hair. Besides,
she-Santa would not go out without makeup.

If Santa was female, she sure wouldnt
have white hair. And she would never wear a hat because it would mess up her
hair.

The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas Eve.
If Santa were a woman, the tradition would be chocolates and Lattes.
Also, a male
Santa would judiciously takes a bite from each cookie to prove he was there. If Santa was a
woman, the whole darn box of Snackwells would be devoured and thered be a sea of empty Ben
& Jerrys containers all over the kitchen floor.

Santa doesnt need to ask
directions. A female Santa would get her directions from landmarks. Up in the sky there are
no landmarks and no place to ask directions. Besides, she-Santa would never go out driving
in the snow and rain at night. She would make Mr. Claus do it and then complain about the
way he drove.

She-Santa would never say “HO HO HO”. She would analyze it too
much and think it was somehow demeaning.

Would any self respecting female Santa
really be seen wearing the SAME outfit year after year? No, she would have to have a new one
each year. And red would not be the color. It would be more like pink or
purple.

She-Santa would not clean up the mess that the deer make. Like you are
going to make the deer wait until they get back to the North Pole? Men have years of
training with dogs.

Yup, Santas a guy
alright!

Cartoon & Joke of the Day…12/23-)*

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Christmas Presents

Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presented you would rather not have received:

1. Thanks a lot!
2. My word! What a gift.
3. Well, well, well …
4. If I hadn’t put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.
5. Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We’re always losing things around here.
6. It’s great; but I’m worried about the jealousy it may create.
7. Just my luck to get this, on the Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.
8. Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5’s Witness Protection programme.
9. Frankly, I don’t deserve this.
10. Really, you shouldn’t have.