SKIPPING CHURCH…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he
just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he couldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew
from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in
church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going
to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell
into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
“Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

LAUGH with DORAZ……A Dog’s Questions to God

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Funny Dog Stories

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, May I have my testicles back?

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!**

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the Other, ‘Windy,
isn’t it?’ ‘No,’ the second man replied,
‘it’s Thursday.’ And the third man chimed in,
‘So am I, Let’s have a beer.’

!

I have lots more jokes at my other blog…….
LAUGH with DORAZ

Thanks to Pam

God’s Busy…..A Story*

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

A United States Marine was attending
some college courses
between assignments. He had
completed missions in Iraq and
Afghanistan . One of the courses had
a professor who was an
avowed atheist and a member of the
ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the
class when he came in he
looked to the ceiling and flatly
stated, ‘God, if you
are real, then I want you to knock
me off this platform..
I’ll give you exactly 15
minutes.’ The lecture room
fell silent. You could hear a pin
drop.

Ten minutes went by and the
professor proclaimed, ‘Here
I am God. I’m still waiting’
It got down to the last
couple of minutes when the Marine
got out of his chair, went
up to the professor, and cold-cocked
him, knocking him off
the platform. The professor was out
cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and
sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked,
stunned, and sat there
looking on in silence. The professor
eventually came to,
noticeably shaken, looked at the
Marine and asked, ‘What
the heck is the matter with you? Why
did you do that?’
The Marine calmly replied, ‘God
was too busy today
protecting American soldiers who are
protecting your right
to say stupid stuff and act like an
idiot. So, He sent me.’

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Thanks to Kristi for this story!

Life has now been explained to you.*

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

On the first day, God created the dog and said,
“Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at
anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking.
How about only ten years and I’ll give you back
the other ten?”

So God agreed……

On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
“Entertain people, do tricks, and make them
laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life
span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty
years? That’s a pretty long time to perform.
How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

On the third day, God created the cow and said,
“You must go into the field with the farmer all day
long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to
support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give
you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you
want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and
I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again……

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat,
sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this,
I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could
you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,
the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for
it..”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep,
play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we
slave in the sun to support our family. For the next
ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to
you.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Thanks Kristi*