Maxine Cartoons….PG-13*

Have a fun Friday!

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

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I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

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What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

Just dropping in to say…..

Hope your day is going as planned and that your night is very peaceful and relaxing.

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Remember:
A Smile is the
first step
to Peace.

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Always give 100% at work:
12% �Monday
23% �Tuesday
40% �Wednesday
20% �Thursday
��5% �Friday

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Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.
Albert Einstein

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I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much

Mother Theresa

MAXINE on WRINKLES…LAUGH with DORAZ*

A man goes to Frederick’s of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. “This is $200,” she says.

“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he. “This one is $350.”

“I want it even more sheer than that.”

“This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.”

“I’ll take it!”

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”

His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see-through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won’t know the difference.”

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. “So, how do you like it?” she asks.

“Damn, you’d think for $500 they’d iron the damn thing.”
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HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU NOTICE A NEW WRINKLE?
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MAXINE on LIFE…LAUGH with DORAZ*

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.. He thought he was God and I didn’t..
2.. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4… I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5… Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
6.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
7.. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
8. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes..
9. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!
10.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

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WHAT SOUNDS DO YOU MAKE THAT ARE “STRANGE” TO OTHERS?
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Thanks to KRISTI KEYPERS again!

MAXINE WISDOM…LAUGH with DORAZ*

*Ham and eggs…A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
*A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
*The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
*Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
*I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.

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WHERE IS A FAVORITE PLACE YOU LIKE TO ESCAPE?
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Thanks to KRISTI KEYPERS again!

PET CARTOON HUMOR….LAUGH with DORAZ*

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MAXINE for a SATURDAY CHUCKLE*

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Maxine…….Smile for a THURSDAY*

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MAXINE CARTOONS…. Fall Edition…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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MAXINE takes on MARTHA in the KITCHEN…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
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Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

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To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
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Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year.

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When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

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Go to the bakery! Hell, they’ll even decorate it for you!
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If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant ‘fix-me-up..’
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If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that’s too bad. Please recite with me the real woman’s motto: ‘I made it, you will eat it and I don’t care how bad it tastes!’
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Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
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Celery? Never heard of it!

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Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

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The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites

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Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead.

The throbbing will go away.

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Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!

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Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in.
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Leftover wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!

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Lastly, if you don’t share this with your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

Thanks Kristi!