Cartoon & Joke of the Night……………12/6

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Does Your Cat Own You?

See how many yes answers apply to you.

* Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?

* Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?

* Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?

* Do you think it’s cute when your cat swings on your drapes or licks your butter?

* Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?

* Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?

* Do you kiss your cat on the whiskers?

* Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your fork?

* Does your cat sleep on your head?
Do you like it?

* Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?

* Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?

* Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?

* Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?

* Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?

* Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas?

Joke of the Day……..-)*

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CAR ACCIDENT JOKE
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man,that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied,” I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn’t break! Sure God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

The she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”

You’ll “SMILE” at this one………..

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Believe in Yourself,

Luisa Doraz

Here’s a JOKE you haven’t heard!

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Funny…Laugh time…Smile……

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most all of us have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Laugh time…Smile at this………

A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’
The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.’
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they all developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.’

Funny….Smile…Time to Laugh….

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

Joke :Men vs Women..laundry

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every day. There is always something in the hamper that we MUST have, even though we have tons of other clothes in the closet we could be wearing! A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his P.E. pants that were hip about ten years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, call his buddies for support, and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat! Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth. Try coffee bars instead!

Next time you are at the laundrymat, study peoples faces. It will really entertain you while you are waiting for your clothes! Try to have an” intelligent “conversation with someone. Most of the time the most you get out of someone is , Uh ha, Yep, That’s right,really,…if you get a whole sentence, your doing great!

Men vs Women…Children!

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

Well, at on time this may have been more true than in today’s times. I believe I need to give credit where credit is due. A lot of men take their responsibilities very seriously when it comes to their children. I see them get very involved in their everyday stuff. Sometimes more so then the mother’s! I am also sure that there are families who have mom’s that can agree 100% with the above statement, right? Some dad’s are in la la land! Oh well, such is life! You gotta laugh. I believe most people mean well, they just have a weird way of showing it!

#*#*#*#*Ooops!

Mildred was very depressed when her husband died. She decided that she couldn’t go on in life without him and that she wanted to join him in heaven. Mildred wanted to shoot herself in the heart, guaranteeing death.

But she was afraid she might miss her heart and wind up a vegetable so she called the doctor for some information. “Doctor, where is the heart located?” asked Mildred.

The doctor answered, “Just below the left breast.”

A few hours later Mildred was emitted into emergancy with a gunshot wound to her knee!