You gotta LAUGH at this JOKE…or at least SMILE-)*….1/6

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The Cremated Husband

Betty lost her husband George three weeks ago. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home and kept them on the end table.

The other day she picked up the urn and went out to the patio.

She sat down at the patio table and poured him out on the table.

She sat there looking at the ashes while tracing her fingers in them.

After a few minutes she started talking to the ashes.

‘George, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!’

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,’George, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!’

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, ‘George, that diamond ring you promised me?

Bought it too, with the insurance money!’

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, She said, ‘George,remember that blow job I promised you?’

‘Here it comes.’

Thanks to my good friend, Pam for this one! Too funny!

A FUNNY JOKE for you tonight!……….1/4

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A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
To which he replied. ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye!

Maxine and Thanksgiving……she’s gives advice on STRESS…..-)*

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Funny…Laugh time…Smile……

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most all of us have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Husband for Sale…joke

Subject: Husband for Sale

> >
> > A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
> > woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
> > entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
> > store ONLY ONCE!
> >
> > There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
> > shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . . You may
> > choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
> > floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
> > woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .
> >
> > On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> >
> > Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
> >
> > The second floor sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
> >
> > The third floor sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are
> > extremely good looking.
> >
> > “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
> > She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
> > good looking and help with the housework.
> >
> > “Oh mercy me” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to
> > the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> >
> > Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead
> > gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
> >
> > She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
> > reads:
> >
> > Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
> > this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
> >
> > Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as
> > you exit the building, and have a nice day!
> >

__._,_.___ Thanks to my friend Kristi for this cute joke!!!!Hope you like it!…………………….