Body Statistics……really funny stuff…….come see….-)*

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are probably still busy measuring their thumbs.

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Sleep tight Jokes for you tonight…………-)

Night Night…. Sleep Tight……..

Have lot’s of nice dreams……

Tomorrow will be a GREAT day!

Did you hear about the man who plugged his electric blanket into the toaster?
He kept popping out of bed all night!

Did you hear about the man who slept under an old tractor?
He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

Did you hear about the parents who called their baby ‘Caffeine?’
It kept them awake all night!

Do elephants snore?
Only when they’re asleep.

****
Trouble sleeping
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked.

“Well, I, uh,” she stammered. “I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac.”

“I see,” he said. “I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour.”

“That’s not bad,” she replied. “How much for all night?”

A Women’s Poem about her man!….LOL

He didn’t like my casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard….
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He did not like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around
and smacked the s**t out of him…
Like his mother used to do.

JOKE….The Church Organist, Miss Beatrice…….

Miss Beatrice, The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor
came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl Sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

‘Miss Beatrice’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ Pointing to the bowl.

‘Oh, yes,’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful?

I was walking through the Park one day and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t ever  had the flu since I found this!’

Laugh….National symbol changed by government……a CONDOM????????

Cat lovers delight…..

“I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

# What is a cat’s favourite movie? “The Sound of Mewsic.”
# What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
# Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.
# Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
# What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
# What is a cat’s favourite car? The Catillac.
# What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
# Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
# What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
# Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
# Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted.

Funny…Laugh time…Smile……

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most all of us have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Laugh time…Smile at this………

A little girl asked her mother, ‘How did the human race appear?’
The mother answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.’
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they all developed from monkeys?’
The mother answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.’

Funny….Smile…Time to Laugh….

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”
Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!”
The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

Laugh..Men vs Women..Grocery shopping!

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half an apple and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

I don’t know. I think this one is a little off. True, women make a list and ,if they remember to bring the list, buy the stuff on it. The only thing is, women usually boy even MORE things then were on the list! Once women get to the store, they SEE other things they need! I think some men are the same way though. Don’t you?

Laugh…Smile…Have a great day!