Getting Old…..

I don’t know about you all, but I am getting SO TIRED of all the nasty attitudes people are showing because of this election. One of my friends shared these with me. I needed to laugh. Hope if you are in the same place..these help!

…….VOTE…….

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, ‘Are you having it catered’?
And that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’
’98,’ she replied: ‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter
asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought
prostate cancer and diabetes I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter
than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s
license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed. ‘Why Wal-Mart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast
relief.’

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
are!

Always REMEMBER this:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; You grow old because you stop
laughing…

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
I don’t want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still
fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Advertisement

HOPEFUL ATTITUDE*…some thoughts by me

I have been around a lot of people lately that have been talking about hope. There are sooo many things out there that people are hoping for. I mean, it is very confusing to keep track! I hear people hoping to have more money someday soon. The people talking about money are either on the wealthy side or on the average side. I would think that the wealthy side would be a little bit happier than the aaverage side, but they seem to really want more money and keep hoping. I hear soo many people talking about love and romance. They are hoping to find a companion. They are hoping to fall madly in love with someone and get married and go on a beautiful honeymoon. They are sooo broken-hearted with no one to love. The hope is in their eyes when I see them talking about it. Then, I hear people…like me…hoping to live a long life. I want to live long enough to see my kids settled in somewhere they are happy with. I would love to see them get married and have kids. I just HOPE I live long enough to see a lot more things. I guess I even get to HOPE. One thing I really HOPE for is peace and love for ALL in this world. I am not alone with this thought and concern. A lot of teens are going on and on about getting away from their parents…asap. They HOPE to get a nice job with a lot of money so they can finally be free. lol Did I ever HOPE for that? I can’t remember. If I hear my kids hoping for that, I’ll smack em. lol Of course, I always hear someone saying they HOPE to win the lottery. My hubby is one of those. lol I guess that we are not alone with our hopes and dreams. I guess there is no harm in hoping for good to happen. I guess as long as we do our best, along with really…really…HOPING, we will be just fine.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

*

*

WHAT HAVE YOU HOPED FOR RECENTLY???

Just dropping in to say…..

Hope your day is going as planned and that your night is very peaceful and relaxing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Remember:
A Smile is the
first step
to Peace.

~~~~~~~~~~

Always give 100% at work:
12% �Monday
23% �Tuesday
40% �Wednesday
20% �Thursday
��5% �Friday

~~~~~~~~~~

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.
Albert Einstein

~~~~~~~~~~
I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much

Mother Theresa

SKIPPING CHURCH…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he
just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he couldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew
from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in
church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going
to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell
into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
“Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

A FUNNY JOKE for you tonight!……….1/4

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. ‘How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?’
To which he replied. ‘That would be fine with me.’
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye!

It’s 2009……..A New Beginning!-)

Hi Everyone!

I have returned from my mountain trip. It was beautiful there! Lot’s of snow. Lot’s of sunshine. Lot’s of having fun with my friends and family! I could not have asked for anything better! I got a chance to think about a lot of things I wanted to. No interruptions. It gave me a chance to really look at my life and figure out if there is anything I want to do different, or if everything I am doing is pretty much ok with me. Other then the usual…gotta lose some weight stuff….I think I am right on track with things. If anything, I feel my life is pretty GREAT! I am healthy. I have a great family. I have great friends. I have all the material stuff, and some…that I will ever need in my life. So, I am not complaining! I decided everyday, I will make a positive statement and elaborate on it. That is something I think a lot of us can work on. So, my positive statement for today is : I love blogging, and I will keep doing it as long as I love it! So, come visit anytime you have a chance. I will do the same. I am happy to be back!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Did you forget to LAUGH today???????…Go to……

Make time to check out some laughs. Over 100 of my posts. Lots of silly stuff. Lots of stupid stuff. Lots of time spent, on my part, to bring you some laughs and smiles. Enjoy the Hoiliday season! GO TO: Laugh with Doraz aka Doraz Says. Just hit the blogroll link! Let’s see those remarks. I love them!

Time to Get Out those “FAT” Jeans….ugh-)*

Well, it happened. I was getting dressed this morning and had to scream in the process. It took me a few minutes to gain my composure, but I managed. I went to put on my “favorite” pair of jeans, and THEY DIDN’T FIT right! They were more snug, than usual! Then I did the blaming thing. I blamed it on the fact that I left them in the dryer too long. Yeh, right! Then I tried the water logged excuse! That did not fly either! So, I just sat there for a second remembering. I was remembering that day, not too long ago, when I was trying to decide if I should give away some of the “older” clothes in my closet I did not wear anymore. I did not wear them anymore because I had LOST weight, and they were too big. Well, needless to say…I am glad I held on to my “FAT” jeans. It is that time of year when they come in handy, huh? Lucky for me, I had a few to chose from! Ha Ha Ha So, I put them on and forced myself to smile over it, even though I wanted to let out one of my famous screams again! ( check it out on My Crazy Videos page). I also made a decision then. I decided I was not going to spoil this holiday by getting depressed or angry. I was going to remain calm, decide to keep eating what I wanted for the holidays, and then after the holidays…do what I always do and GO ON ANOTHER DIET! I can not ignore the fact that this seems to be the way it has been for MANY years! So, I just laughed about it and I will figure it all out LATER!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Cartoon of the Night………..12/7

Does this cartoon remind you of someone? This little creature has that puzzled, confused look…right? It looks like it is about to let their emotions go! Seems like they are not having a very eventful day, huh? I guess they could be looking ahead to a future that is dull and dreary. OR, they could have just listened to a bunch of weird people saying a bunch of crazy things, and they are just trying to remain calm and non-confrontational. Aren’t I strange? Do you see any of this, are do you just see a cartoon? Have a great week. Make it a week where you smile at everyone instead of yelling at them. It is amazing what will happen when you SMILE!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Beam me up, Scotty….I’m ready…What year is this,anyway?

I believe I will be looking like this cartoon sooner than I’d like to be! That is why I would like to explore the universe and see what is out there. Maybe there is a planet that stops your growth when you land. Maybe there is a planet that makes you ten years younger when you land. Then I guess you can look at the negative side too. Maybe there is a planet that kills you off when you land! I guess I should be happy and satisfied with where I landed currently. I guess when you look at the other options, Earth does not look too shabby, huh? Something to think about. Have fun blogging. I sure am!

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz