A Message from SOULDOSE*

Soul Dose has been fighting an illness, and she is feeling lost right now. She has exhausted all of her options in South Africa, where she lives now with her family. In my opinion, she needs to seek a charitable foundation in this world of ours, that will take on her illness…and find some answers for her. Her family resources are limited and almost depleted. If ANYONE knows of ANY PLACE that can HELP ,Soul Dose PLEASE go to her blog, and pass it on. I am going to start looking on the internet for her to see what I can find. YOUR LOVE AND COMPASSION IN THIS MATTER IS DEEPLY APPRECIATED.

SOUL DOSE

Going crazy with confusion…LAUGH with DORAZ*

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.

“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?”

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: “Move over!”

Bad Dreams…LAUGH with DORAZ*

A distraught man goes to see a psychologist. How may I help you?’ the doctor asks. Doc, every night, I have the same dream. I’m lying in bed and a dozen women walkin and try to rip my clothes off and have wild sex with me. And then what do you do? the shrink asks. I push them away, the man says. Then what do you want me to do? the shrink asks. Break my arms!

Just Thought I’d Ask You This Question…5/29*

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Which would you rather be and for what reason?

1. DOCTOR…..

2. DANCER…..

Trained in a variety of dance forms including competitive dance forms (e.g. Latin dance, ballroom dance, etc.) as well as ethnic/traditional dance forms.

3. DORK…..

USA pejorative slang for a quirky, silly and/or stupid, socially inept person, or one who is out of touch with contemporary trends. Often confused with nerd and geek but does not imply the same intelligence level.

Definitions from Wikipedia….

Quote of the Day…4/30*

Embarrassing Medical Exams

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1. A man comes into the ER and yells ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – – – and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

‘Big breaths,’. . . I instructed.

‘Yes, they used to be,’. . ..replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’ Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

‘ Which one ?’. . . I asked. ‘The patch…

‘The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions included removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ..

‘ Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.’

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .’ So how’s your breakfast this morning?’

‘ It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste.’. . . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . .

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute apendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read .. . .’ Keep off the grass.’

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.’

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! … . . . . .. . . . . .

8.. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.

I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams… To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said’I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . …

‘ No doctor, but the song you were whistling was … . .’I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’

Dr. wouldn’t submit his name…

Thanks to Pam!

The Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life……..Hilarious-)*:

1. The Doctor – who tells her to “take off all her clothes.”

2. The Dentist – who tells her to “open wide.”

3. The Milkman – who asks her “do you want it in the front or the back?”

4. The Hairdresser – who asks her “do you want it teased or blown?”

5. The Interior Designer – who assures her “once it’s inside, you’ll LOVE it!”

6. The Banker – who insists to her “if you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest!”

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