Just stopping in…

May you all be blessed with many special moments…
May love reach deep into your heart…
May smiles be familiar to your face…
and may you be forever embraced with the affection of
your family and friends.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

Wisdom from Maxine*

As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,

nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying

about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine

what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving

because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only

imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s handbag for fear she has placed it on

the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo

in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with

every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub

full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered

if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because

it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,

so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes

seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water

in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring

me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a

needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug

me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask

me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to

Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a

big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant

death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up a

dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed

there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the

Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land

on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the

fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you

to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors

ex mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s

beautician!

Oh, and by the way…

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,

has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity

read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because

I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

Have fun. Live. Laugh. Love.

Smile often,

Luisa Doraz

Men….

Getting Old…..

I don’t know about you all, but I am getting SO TIRED of all the nasty attitudes people are showing because of this election. One of my friends shared these with me. I needed to laugh. Hope if you are in the same place..these help!

…….VOTE…….

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, ‘Are you having it catered’?
And that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’
’98,’ she replied: ‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter
asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought
prostate cancer and diabetes I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter
than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,
winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s
license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes
scattered over Wal-Mart.
‘Wal-Mart?’ the preacher exclaimed. ‘Why Wal-Mart?’
‘Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week’.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast
relief.’

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
are!

Always REMEMBER this:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old; You grow old because you stop
laughing…

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
I don’t want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still
fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Maxine Cartoons….PG-13*

Have a fun Friday!

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

***

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

***

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

A Few Laughs…..

1. Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey 😛

2. Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

3. At the end of the day, one thing we have in common is that we are all screwed up in some way.

4. I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.

5. The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight :)6. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

7. Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!

8. Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

9. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn’t realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: “Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad.”

10. What is meant by Mixed Emotions? Your enemy falls from 17th floor on your brand new Audi and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry!

Hope you had a few laughs.

Have a fun day.

NO WORDS NEEDED*…PHOTO

“I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE DOESN’T SEE THAT!”

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Breakfast at Ginger’s- Golden Retriever dog eats with hands ….For ALL dog lover’s*

I got this cute video emailed to me by……. CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

I thought it would brighten your day.

Have fun.

LAUGH with DORAZ*

POP GOES LUISA*

All around the city streets
Luisa chased the bargains;
The market thought ’twas all in fun,
But, NOT for Luisa.

She pushed and shoved and found her way
A sale on every corner
That’s the way her money goes,
Go faster now …Luisa.

Her husband tried to stop her flight
But all her got was fury
That’s the way the story goes
NO MORE husband for poor Luisa.

Song to the melody of “Pop Goes the Weasel”

Sorry if this is weird,
It just POPPED into my head, and I had to post it.