Reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man
* Men can’t pack a bag.
* Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet
* Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by being seen with all those elves
* Men don’t answer their mail.
* Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a “bowlful of jelly.”
* Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
* Having to do the “Ho-Ho-Ho” thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
* Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
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