MEN….LAUGH with DORAZ*

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.” Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here”

Christmas Fun…LAUGH with DORAZ*

What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?

A sad candy cane!

Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open ’til Christmas!

What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood!

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I GOTTA…….
I gotta dance
I gotta live
I gotta laugh
I gotta give
I gotta smile
I gotta say
Dancing makes me feel alive
Dancing is the way!
I gotta be me
I gotta do what I feel
I gotta have fun
I gotta make life a big deal!
I gotta LIVE……….until I no longer do!
How about you?

Name Two of Santas’ Reindeer……LAUGH with DORAZ*

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On a famous TV game show A BLOND contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! “To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santas’ reindeer.” The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. “Rudolph!” she said confidently, “and, …Olive!” The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, “Yes, we’ll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain… ‘Olive?!?'”. “You know,” the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer…”

CHRISTMAS RIDDLES….LAUGH with DORAZ*

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What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
[It was already wound up.]

Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
[Its true, Comet cleans sinks!]

Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas?
[No, you can have turkey like everyone else.]

What nationality is Santa Claus?
[North Polish.]

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
[Sandy Claws!]

What kind of bird can write?
[A PENguin.]

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
[Because the angel had said,”No L!”]

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
[The turkey, he is always stuffed.]

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
[Claustrophobic.]

Judge: “What are you charged with?”
Prisoner: “Doing my Christmas shopping early.”
Judge: “That’s not an offense. How early were you doing this shopping?”
Prisoner: “Before the store opened.”

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ?
[Santa Clues!]

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. Clerk: “What denomination?”
Woman: “Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic

CARTOON & JOKE of the Day…..12/24 -)*

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As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.

“Well,” said the woman, “I guess I’d like to be rich.”
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.

“And I wouldn’t mind being a young and beautiful princess.”
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.

“Your third wish?” asked the Fairy Godmother. “Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?”
POOF: There, in front stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.

As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, “I bet you are sorry you had me neutered.”

Cartoon & Joke of the Day…12/23-)*

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Christmas Presents

Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presented you would rather not have received:

1. Thanks a lot!
2. My word! What a gift.
3. Well, well, well …
4. If I hadn’t put on so much weight recently it would have fitted me perfectly.
5. Gosh, I hope I never lose this. We’re always losing things around here.
6. It’s great; but I’m worried about the jealousy it may create.
7. Just my luck to get this, on the Christmas I promised to give all my gifts to charity.
8. Unfortunately, I am about to enter MI5’s Witness Protection programme.
9. Frankly, I don’t deserve this.
10. Really, you shouldn’t have.

Christmas with Your Cat….Smile of the Night-)*

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.

‘Cuz the cat had pounced on him
and tore him apart-
Ate his mousey intestines
And chewed up his heart.

Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells,
which made him take pause-
He stopped daintily licking
the blood from his claws.

“Must be Santa” thought Kitty
(that quite clever cat)
‘Cuz nobody else climbs down
the chimney like that.

Indeed it was ol’ Santa,
so jolly and fat
With a load of presents
and all for the cat!

“Wow, the best Christmas ever!”
Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball

HAVE YOU SMILED TODAY?????

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JOKES ………..-)*

* T he 3 stages of man:

He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.

He is Santa Claus.

* A man went to his psychiatrist and said…

“What’s wrong with me? I’m afraid of Santa.”

The psychiatrist said…

“You must be Claustrofobic.”

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Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A “Holly” Davidson!

Did you forget to LAUGH today???????…Go to……

Make time to check out some laughs. Over 100 of my posts. Lots of silly stuff. Lots of stupid stuff. Lots of time spent, on my part, to bring you some laughs and smiles. Enjoy the Hoiliday season! GO TO: Laugh with Doraz aka Doraz Says. Just hit the blogroll link! Let’s see those remarks. I love them!
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