FIREMAN SEX… LAUGH with DORAZ*

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, ‘You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we’re on the fire truck ready to go.

‘From now on when I say BELL 1

I want you to strip naked.

When I say BELL 2

I want you to jump in bed.

And when I say BELL 3

We are going to make love all night.
‘ The next night he came home from work and yelled

‘ BELL 1!’ The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled ‘BELL 2!’, the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled ‘ BELL 3!’, they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled ‘BELL 4!’

‘What the hell is BELL 4?’ asked the husband?

‘ROLL OUT MORE HOSE, ‘she replied’
YOU’RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE.’

Contributed by Pam W.

SEX OF A FLY…LAUGH with DORAZ*

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

‘What are you doing?’
She asked.

‘Hunting Flies’
He responded.

‘Oh. ! Killing any?’
She asked.

‘Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’ he replied.

cid:4.157801747@web31607.mail.mud.yahoo.com

Intrigued, she asked.
‘How can you tell them apart?’

He responded,
‘3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

ADULT DOG STORE…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Believe it or not

These are Memphis , TN ‘s REAL 911 Calls!

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Call er: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is………….

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

JOKE CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

I GOTTA BE ME*…

LOVE…LIVE…SMILE…&…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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May your day be full of love…
May you cherish all of your gifts…
You see…
You taste…
You hear…
You breathe…
You have sooo many gifts to thank.

Be happy as the moments pass…
Do not dwell on the negative…
Embrace the positive around you…
Make it explode all around you.

Smile like you have never done…
Laugh like you mean it…
Cherish the fact that you are alive…
Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

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For your funny bone…..

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than
30 years, with him thinking that it was cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $ 1 million.

Then she showed him ceritificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had “charged” him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,

“If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business”

THAT’S WHEN SHE SHOT HIM

You know, sometimes, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut.



CLARK

THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME AND SENDING THIS FUNNY JOKE….. HOPE YOU ALL DROP IN AND SAY HELLO TO CLARK,,,,, JUST CLICK THE IMAGE…

THANKS

BURNING FOOD…LAUGH with DORAZ*

IF IT FITS IN THE TOASTER…I CAN COOK IT…Maxine

One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted.

“I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box.

“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”

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WHAT HAVE YOU BURNT LATELY?????

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A Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!!
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Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to say something...

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CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

MY LEMON TREE*

JUST A SQUEEZE OF LEMON

At a cocktail party, a man gets totally plastered, goes up to the host and says, “Excuse me, but do lemons have feathers?” in a slurred voice.

“I beg your pardon?” says the host.

The drunk asks again: “Do lemons have feathers?” as he struggles to hold his balance.

A rather bemused host says, “No, I don’t think so.”

The drunk looks sheepish then says: “Oopsie.”

“What?” asks the host.

And the drunk: “I think I’ve just squeezed your canary into my drink.”

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My birds did not think this joke was funny. lol

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THE GARDEN GROWS…LAUGH WITH DORAZ*

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, “Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So-so,” she answers. “The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”

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ANYTHING IN YOUR GARDEN RIGHT NOW?

The Longest Password…LAUGH WITH DORAZ*

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During a recent password audit, it was found that a
blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyJohannesburg”

When asked why she had such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.