PG-13..THE CAT IN THE HAT FOR OLDER KIDS…LAUGH with DORAZ*

The Cat in the Hat gives his opinion on aging.

Thanks to Pam S. for this one…

“So Dad left when he found out about Mom and the Panda.”…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Think about all of the wild and crazy stuff you have heard over the years. Blows you away, huh? I love that we can be who we are…as long as we do not hurt anyone else while being us. Have fun. Smile. Be nice to those around you. Make their day.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

I GOTTA BE ME*…

BURNING FOOD…LAUGH with DORAZ*

IF IT FITS IN THE TOASTER…I CAN COOK IT…Maxine

One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted.

“I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box.

“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”

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WHAT HAVE YOU BURNT LATELY?????

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ASKING QUESTIONS CAN GET GROSS…LAUGH with DORAZ*

One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food. The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food. Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did. She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

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ARE YOU EVER SORRY YOU ASKED A QUESTION??????

A Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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A Cow, an Ant and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.

The Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!!

The Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!!
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Why are you scrolling down? It’s your turn to say something...

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CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

MY LEMON TREE*

JUST A SQUEEZE OF LEMON

At a cocktail party, a man gets totally plastered, goes up to the host and says, “Excuse me, but do lemons have feathers?” in a slurred voice.

“I beg your pardon?” says the host.

The drunk asks again: “Do lemons have feathers?” as he struggles to hold his balance.

A rather bemused host says, “No, I don’t think so.”

The drunk looks sheepish then says: “Oopsie.”

“What?” asks the host.

And the drunk: “I think I’ve just squeezed your canary into my drink.”

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My birds did not think this joke was funny. lol

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THE GARDEN GROWS…LAUGH WITH DORAZ*

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, “Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So-so,” she answers. “The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”

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ANYTHING IN YOUR GARDEN RIGHT NOW?

When it’s time to take a senior citizen’s license away!….VIDEO

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

THE ULTIMATE BUMPER STICKER…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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DO YOU KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO TEXT WHILE DRIVING?