Weekend fun………

Some ministers were talking about death and dying over coffee at the local cafe. “What would you want people to say about you at your funeral?” one of them asked.

“I’d want people to say, ‘He was a great and compassionate humanitarian who cared about those in need,” responded a recently retired minister.

“I’d like for people to say, ‘He was a good father and husband, a man whose life was a fine example for others to follow,” intoned another.

“Oh, I’d like for people to remember me for my fine sermons and church growth,” said the newest member of the group.

A grizzled old farmer leaned over from the next table and said, “That’s all well and good, fellas, but I’d rather hear ‘em say ‘Look, he’s moving!’”

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CAUTION…Be Careful who you VOTE for…JOKE*

While walking down the street one day a “Member of Parliament” is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’
‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.
‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’
‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.
‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?’
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday, we were campaigning.. …
Today, you voted.”

Have a fun week.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

The EYES have it…

Your eyes hold the power. It can be that look you give with your eyes when you really want something. It could be the way you glare that sends a message of power to someone who is disturbing you. It could be the power you radiate when you are laughing and your eyes show that sparkle in them that expresses happiness. It could also be the blank look you give a person when you do not really care what they have to say to you. I try to make it my business to notice the eys of people around me. I immediately gravitate to those people that I feel are not having a good day. I feel that it is my privilege to express to them some kind of love and support that will get them to smile. Most of the time I look into eyes that are saying, “What the hell does she want?” I just ignore that look and keep talking. lol I did this today when I went grocery shopping. That always seems to be the best time. People either love to shop or they are just there because they need to be. So, watch out for me if you live in my neighborhood. lol If you do not, I guarantee you that there is someone out there just like me looking…so beware. lol

Try looking at people’s eyes and see what you see.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

THE GARDEN GROWS…LAUGH WITH DORAZ*

A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, “Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they’ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they’ll all be red, you’ll see.” Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. “So-so,” she answers. “The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.”

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ANYTHING IN YOUR GARDEN RIGHT NOW?

WAS OUT ALL DAY………

I want to say I really appreciate you all coming by and visiting me. I was out all day Saturday, so I have not had a chance to visit your blogs. I am going to be out Sunday for half the day, but you can bet at night…I will be playing catch up with a smile. Hope you all have a fun time doing whatever your little heart desires. Just be good now.

Thank you///Luisa

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task – but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
“How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother. “I don’t need to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do “his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.

THE ULTIMATE BUMPER STICKER…LAUGH with DORAZ*

DO YOU KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO TEXT WHILE DRIVING?

COMMITTING SINS…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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HOW DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE …..WITH THIS CARTOON?

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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.” ~Erma Bombeck

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~Robert Byrne

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. ~Chinese Proverb

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. ~Elwyn Brooks White

Life is simple, it’s just not easy. ~Author Unknown

A life without cause is a life without effect. ~Barbarella

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t. ~Richard Bach

CARTOON CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

The Cute Princess…LAUGH with DORAZ*

There once was a really cute princess who was walking through the woods. All of a sudden she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!”

She looked around and didn’t see anyone or anything but a frog sitting on a big rock. She started to carry on her way but the frog called again. “Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow next to you, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!”

It had been a very long and boring day so she decided to pick up the frog and give it a try though she really didn’t believe the frog at all.

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow beside her. When she woke up the next day what do you think she found? There on her pillow beside her sat a really Handsome Prince.

Do you believe this story?

No! Neither did her mother!

FROGGY DAY…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Why did the frog walk across the road?
He didn’t… he jumped.
Why did the frog cross the street?
because the chicken crossed the road.
Why did the frog cross the road?
to see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Why did the frog stop in the middle of the road?
To get hit by a steamroller
Why did the frog stay in the middle of the road?
He ran after a fly and was hit by a car.
Why did the frog cross the road?
If a chicken can do it so could he!

A librarian was quietly working when three chickens walked in and jumped on to the counter eyed her and said “BUK BUK BUK” Not sure she was sane she gave the chikens three books and they left. An hour later in walked the chickens again jumped onto the counter, returned the books they had taken earlier and said “BUK BUK BUK” Now convinced she was out of her mind she gave them three books, they took one each and left. This time she decided to follow them. She followed them down to the local pond and stood horrified as they threw the books into the water. All of a sudden they flew back out of the pond and a frog stuck it’s head up saying “RREDIT RREDIT RREDIT!”

Thanks to Pam W. for these.

HAVE A SILLY WEDNESDAY ACTING LIKE A FROG…….

IT’S FRIDAY….Think then LAUGH with DORAZ*

VERY
INTERESTING STUFF

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have ‘the rule of thumb’

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled ‘Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden’.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
this…)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400

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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:

61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades – King David

Hearts – Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander,
the Great

Diamonds – Julius
Caesar

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111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence e on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A.. Their birthplace

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?

A.
Obsession

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Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter ‘A’?

A. One
thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers have in common?

A. All were invented
by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?

A.
Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?

A. Father’s
Day

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In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them ‘Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.’

It’s where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet your whistle’
is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!

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Don’t delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read

it.I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS