Universal Truths…LAUGH with DORAZ*

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1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you’re wrong.

2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was
younger.

3. There is great need for a sarcasm font

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

7. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

8. Bad decisions make good stories.

9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.

10. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I
don’t want to have to restart my collection..again.

11. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay

13. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it

14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.

16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod
and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent someone from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters

19. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every
year?

20. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey – but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first
time, every time!

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

MOVIE NIGHT IS ON*

I am going to watch these two movies right now. I have my jammies on and my blanket handy. I am going to grab some snacks…junky and healthy combined…and have me some fun. I hope all is going well for you all. Has anyone seen these movies? Are they any good? Oh well, I guess I should have asked that question before I rented them. lol I am sure they will be great. Look who is in them girls. WOW!

See you all soon.

Doraz is over and out….for now.

COWBOY TO THE RESCUE! …LAUGH with DORAZ*

by request…
Two cowboys from Alberta walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about current cattle prices. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the cowboys looks at her and says, “Kin ya swaller?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.

The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back.

The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.

His partner says, “Ya know, I’d heard of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, but I ain’t never seen nobody do it before.”

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HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN FIRST AID TO ANYONE?
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IT”S FRIDAY…THINK and then LAUGH with DORAZ*

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“Life’s tough……it’s even tougher if you’re stupid.”

John Wayne

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WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOHN WAYNE MOVIE?

CHAPPED LIPS JOKE
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in frontof the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don’t shine.

He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.

“Hold on there, Mister,” said the sheriff. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

“Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”

“And that cures them?” the Sheriff asked. “Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ ’em.”

I am at STARLA’S PARTY Come on over for a while!
Thank you for your support!


STARLA

Little Johnny….LAUGH with DORAZ*

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. “Mom, I think I’m going to throw up!” She told him, “I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you.” So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. “Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?”

“I didn’t have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.”

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HOW OFTEN DO YOU “SEE” A SIGN THE WAY “YOU” WANT TO SEE IT?
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A LITTLE QUIZ …LAUGH with DORAZ*

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,


A Lion…..


A Chimpanzee……


A giraffe…


and A Squirrel;…

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . ..
Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis….

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If your answer is:
1.   Lion = you’re dull.
2.   Chimpanzee = you’re dense.
3.   Giraffe = you’re a complete moron.
4.   Squirrel = you’re hopeless.

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……A COCONUT TREE DOESN’T HAVE BANANAS……

Obviously you’re stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

Ladies Only … Which Movie Star Are You?…..LAUGH with DORAZ*

Here’s some fun just for the girls… DON’T read ahead, please or it’ll spoil the fun.

Ever wonder which movie star you are most like?

Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of movie stars.

The gathered info has been incorporated into this quiz.

There are only 10 questions so it doesn’t take long.

Number your paper from 1 to 10, then answer each question with the choice that most describes you at this point in your life , and then add up the points that correspond with your answers…

Don’ t look ahead or you will ruin the fun!

1. Which describes your perfect date?
A) Candlelight dinner for two
B) Amusement Park
C) Roller blading in the park
D) Rock Concert
E) Have dinner & see a movie
F) Dinner at home with a loved one

2. What is your favorite type of music?
A) Rock and Roll
B) Alternative
C) Soft Rock
D) Classical
E) Christian
F) Jazz

3. What is your favorite type of movie?
A) Comedy
B) Horror
C) Musical
D) Romance
E) Documentary
F ) Mystery

4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only these choices?
A) Waiter/Waitress
B) Sports Player
C) Teacher
D) Policeman
E) Bartender
F) Business person

5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
A) Work out
B) Make out
C) Watch TV
D) Listen to the radio
E) Sleep
F) Read

6. Of the following colours, which do you like best?
A) Yellow
B) White
C) Sky blue
D) Teal
E) Gold
F) Red

7. Which one of the following would you like to eat right now?
A) Ice cream
B) Pizza
C ) Sushi
D) Pasta
E) Salad
F) Lobster Tail

8. Which is your favourite holiday?
A) Halloween
B) Christmas
C) New Year’s
D) Valentine’s Day
E) Thanksgiving
F) Fourth of July

9 If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be?
A) Reno
B) Spain
C) Las Vegas
D) Hawaii
E) Hollywood
F) British Columbia

10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
A) Someone who is smart
B) Someone with good looks
C) Someone who is a party animal
D) Someone who has fun all the time
E) Someone who is very emotional
F) Someone who is fun to be with

Now total up your points on each question:
1 a-4; b-2; c-5; d-1; e-3; f-6
2. A-2; b-1; c-4; d-5; e-3; f-6
3. A-2; b-1; c-3; d-4;e-5; f-6
4. A-4; b-5; c-3; d-2; e-1; f-6
5. A-5; b-4; c-2; d-1; e-3; f-6
6. A-1; b-5; c-3; d-2; e-4; f-6
7. A-3; b-2; c-1; d-4; e-5; f-6
8. A-1; b-3; c-2; d-4; e-5; f -6
9. A-4; b-5; c-1; d-4; e-3; f-6
10. A-5; b-2; c-1; d-3; e-4; f-6

NOW . Take your total and find out which Movie Star you are:

(10-17 points) You are MADONNA:
You are wild and crazy and you know it. You know how to have fun, but you may take it to extremes. You know what you are doing though, and are much in control of your own life . People don’t always see things your way, but that doesn’t mean that you should do away with your beliefs. Try to remember that your wild spirit can lead to hurting yourself and others.

(18-26 points) You are DORIS DAY:
You are fun, friendly, and popular! You are a real crowd pleaser.. You have probably been out on the town your share of times, yet you come home with the values that your mother taught you. Marriage and children are very important to you, but only after you have fun. Don’t let the people you please influence you to stray.

(27-34 points) You are DEBBIE REYNOLDS :
You are cute, and everyone loves you. You are a best friend that no one takes the chance of losing. You never hurt feelings and seldom have your own feelings hurt. Life is a breeze. You are witty, and calm most of the time. Just keep clear of back stabbers, and you are worry-free.

(35-42 points) You are GRACE KELLY:
You are a lover. Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments and are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday.. Don’t let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

(43-50 points) You are KATHERINE HEPBURN:
You are smart, a real thinker. Every situation is approached with a plan. You are very healthy in mind and body. You don’t take crap from anyone. You have only a couple of individuals that you consider ‘real friends’. You teach strong family values. Keep your feet planted in them, but don’t overlook a bad situation when it does happen.

(51-60 points) You are ELI ZABETH TAYLOR:
Everyone is in awe of you. You know what you want and how to get it. You have more friends than you know what to do with. Your word is your bond.. Everyone knows when you say something it is money in the bank. You attract the opposite sex. Your intelligence overwhelms most. Your memory is the next thing to photographic. Everyone admires you because you are so considerate and lovable. You know how to enjoy life and treat people right.

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WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR ANSWER?

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Thanks to Pam W. for this one!

ME ON TV?

HAVE YOU EVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION?….IF SO, FOR WHAT?

ARE YOU FAMOUS?

IS THERE ANYONE …THAT YOU KNOW OF…WHO BECAME FAMOUS?…. WHAT FOR?

Name Two of Santas’ Reindeer……LAUGH with DORAZ*

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On a famous TV game show A BLOND contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! “To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santas’ reindeer.” The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. “Rudolph!” she said confidently, “and, …Olive!” The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, “Yes, we’ll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain… ‘Olive?!?'”. “You know,” the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer…”