Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~’Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’
— Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy & Billy Carter)
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
— George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– – Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
— Mark Twain
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon.
Then it’s time for my nap.
— Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
— W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
— Will Rogers
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you
— Winston Churchill
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
— Phyllis Diller
B y the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere
— Billy Crystal
The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.
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I love these quotes.