BACK TO SCHOOL JOKES*

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THE PROFESSOR SAYS…
When professors say this . . .They really mean this!

* This needs some minor revision. – I never actually got around to reading this.

* My office hours are by appointment only. – I like to get out of here early.

* Ten percent of your grade is based on class participation. – I’ll be fudging your grades.

* This won’t be on the test. – Nap time!

* Bring the text to class. – I don’t have a clue how to lecture–we’ll just kill time with group read-alongs.

* He’s not fully up to speed on that. – He’s got his head up his #*#.

* I don’t have the latest department guidelines. – I’ve got my head up my *#*.

* Let’s check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed. – I’ve got my head up HIS #*#.

* Talk to the department secretary. – Piss off.

* Talk to me in my office after class. – Get out of my face.

* The tests will all be multiple-choice. – I take questions directly from the study guide and have grad students do all my grading.

* Don’t come in late during my lecture. – I have the attention span of a fruit fly.

* Save your questions until the end. – See above.

* The final will be comprehensive. – I’ll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn’t fully cover myself in 15 weeks.

* Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. – This course is outside my specialty–I’ll just bluff it and let YOU teach.

* There are two TAs available to help you. – I can’t be bothered.

* This year I’ll be scaling the grades. – I just passed tenure review.

* Let’s break up into quiet discussion groups. – I have a hangover.

* Let’s have class outdoors today! – I had beans for lunch.

* You won’t be able to sell back the text to the bookstore. – My contract wasn’t picked up.

* Please note the last day to withdraw. – The midterm’s gonna suck.

* The answer to number 4 is “b,” and just skip number 17. – I only got around to making up the test last night.

* The second list is optional reading. – I have a rich fantasy life.

* I haven’t had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. – The asshole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.

* Well, it was on the syllabus. – I’ll hold you responsible for this even though I forgot about it myself.

* We’ll just skip the term paper this semester. – There wasn’t enough in the budget for a TA.

* Bring a number 2 pencil to the exam. – See above.

* Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. – I’m so boring that no one would show up otherwise.

* Read chapters 5 through 10. – I’m not coming in at all next week.

* We’ll have to cover this chapter quickly. – I screwed up the lecture schedule.

* Let’s go over the exam. – Half of you failed.

* It was in the textbook. – I pulled it out of my #*#.

* Extra credit is available. – I need some #*#* work done.

Hope you enjoyed these!!!!!

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2 Responses

  1. Lol! These sound right on the money. I can actually picture some of my professors as I read.

  2. Era LOL 🙂

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