Health joke…PG-13 *

...  . A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back?"

Thanks to Beverly for sending me this…..

L O V E

Life as you will never experience it again

Occasions mixed with laughter and tears

Very much wanting to embrace the world

Even if it is for a moment

LAUGH

LEARN

LIVE

LOVE

Birthday greetings to a very SPECIAL friend………

Make this birthday be the best one yet!
Love ya,
Luisa

Maxine Cartoons….PG-13*

Have a fun Friday!

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

***

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

***

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

A Few Laughs…..

1. Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey

2. Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

3. At the end of the day, one thing we have in common is that we are all screwed up in some way.

4. I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.

5. The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight 6. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

7. Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!

8. Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”

9. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn’t realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: “Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad.”

10. What is meant by Mixed Emotions? Your enemy falls from 17th floor on your brand new Audi and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry!

Hope you had a few laughs.

Have a fun day.

Happy Mother’s Day 2012*

May you cherish the memories you have of your mother

Close to your heart and soul

May you have experienced the love

That only a devoted mother can show

May you have had many hours of laughter

Many hours of joy

May you appreciate the beauty

That only a mother can show

May you be given the honor

In raising children of your own

May you accept the privilege

Of feeling the true embrace of love

Unconditional love from children

Should not be taken lightly

Show respect for the young ones

They will show you some in return

May you be blessed with a magical Mother’s Day.

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

What has got you going today?????

“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.”
Albert Einstein

I decided to have the world see me without my cap on. lol My blogging friend, Lviss seems to believe I sleep in my hat. lol I just got a hairdut. I like it. What do you guys think? I have been busy running around. Doing what..I have no idea! lol I have been going to parties. That is a good thing. I have been grocery shopping. That is a good thing. I have been getting little sleep. That is a bad thing!! lol A girl has got to have her beauty sleep, right? Those bags under the eyes seem to reappear toooo often! lol I seem to be laughing a lot today. Could it be the 5 cups of coffee I have had??? lol See, I did it again. I love to laugh. I love to smile. I love to see what there is to see in this crazy world of ours. Then, I like to talk to you all about it. Aren’t you just thrilled?? lol Oh well, get back to what you have been doing now. Enough messing around here at my blog. I am sure you have better things to do. If not, well..what can I say??? lol

Believe in Yourself;

Luisa Doraz

SKIPPING CHURCH…LAUGH with DORAZ*

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he
just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he couldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew
from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in
church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going
to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell
into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
“Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

CONTRIBUTED by:KRISTI KEYPERS

TICKLE TIME*

TICKLE SPONGBOB FOR A LAUGH

I figure we could all use a laugh today!

Quote of the Day…5/1*

The 12-step chocoholics program:
NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!
Terry Moore

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces Judith Viorst

Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets Milton Zelman, publisher of “Chocolate News”

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.

If it ain’t chocolate, it ain’t breakfast!

There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with CHOCOLATE
Linda Grayson, “The Pickwick Papers”