1. Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey
2. Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, and then turn it to the left. Repeat the exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
3. At the end of the day, one thing we have in common is that we are all screwed up in some way.
4. I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight…..it’s called super glue.
5. The awkward moment when a GPS tells a gay person to go straight 6. TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
7. Two roommates were watching the news. News: Serial killer on the loose. Blonde: Oh no! (runs to kitchen) Brunette: What are you doing? Blonde: Saving my cereal!
8. Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, “I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?” Husband replied, “Your eyesight is still excellent.”
9. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn’t realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: “Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad.”
10. What is meant by Mixed Emotions? Your enemy falls from 17th floor on your brand new Audi and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry!
Hope you had a few laughs.
Have a fun day.
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